Dreaming with God

Some weeks ago now,  there was held in Dublin, a vocations day for the Dominican Family, at which one person from each ‘branch’ (i.e. friars, sisters, nuns and lay Dominicans) – spoke a little on their path to where they now are. One of the nuns (this one) I don’t know what happened to her, but not to be remembered if at all possible. It caused one of the listeners to ask ‘Are you happy?’ and I don’t know if I even answered the question – rather helplessly, I’m afraid. Something along the lines of ‘our life is needed’! Very lame, like a saturated sponge, pretty awful.

That was a while ago, and obviously not far from my mind since, but here during our retreat, I was dreaming with the Lord in the garden – which is not unusual – and in God it was that my answer was found.

We don’t ‘go out’ as such; our whole life here is lived here, for the most part lived within the walls and garden of the monastery. If you were to ask many of the sisters here, they would tell you that they all have a missionary heart within them. To go where there is need and bring the Lord with them, to the poor and the sick and the troubled in whatever way. It’s in a sense peculiar, but there it is – true none the less.

I am not God, nor am I like Him – even remotely – but I love Him and through baptism, I am in Him. My whole life here is lived in God, in the heart of the Lord – He is everywhere, at every moment. I was smelling the sea, and we are very far from the sea here; but the breeze carried it to the garden, and that sense came over me, which has done so before – a realisation that I don’t have to be everywhere; only here, in God. I can’t go everywhere for God, but if I remain in Him, and He is with me, He makes everywhere to be where I am. He brings everywhere to me.

My favourite place in all the world is off the west coast of Ireland, so whenever He brings the sea to me, I am there – out in the middle of the ocean, on a small little island that nowhere can compare to. Out in the middle of the wild, unpredictable ocean – often disturbed and stormy; very often restless and even angry. It depends on the weather.

If you are still with me … it made me wonder about ‘we Irish’; even not only Irish, but ‘we who live on the land of Ireland’ – we are used to unpredictable, disturbing, angry, restless weather, are we not? I think we could easily translate the weather outside to the history of the country through which we are living now – even in the Church. The storm is quite violent, and it seems to be attacking us at our very roots; even deeper – on the floor of the ocean – down there where it’s as though the earth’s plates are rubbing against each other, wreaking chaos.

And that seems to me to be the answer to the question asked those weeks ago – a part of the answer – about our life here; for us who so so love the Church, and long so much more than can be put into words, for her unity and healing – our life is to be the offering of our living blood, that it may sink into that foundation, to fall between the plates in a sense, the blood that can fill in the cracks and join them, if that makes sense. As we were reminded during the week; we belong, as a Church, out in the middle of the storm, not safely tied up at the harbour (I’m not a sailor, don’t know the language, sorry) – if we stay faithfully there, Jesus will come to us, as He did to the disciples: ‘It is I: do not be afraid’.

Col. 1:24 – 26 (making up all that has still to be undergone by Christ, for the sake of his body, which is the Church) - I don’t think you could call it a question of happiness; definitely an aching desire that the world may come to know the joy of Christ; the wonder of His mercy and love.

There is nowhere in the world I’d rather be. For Him. …. and for you.

"I chose you" - Vocation in Today's Gospel

Today's Gospel offers a very beautiful message for Religious Life and Vocation.

During my Lectio this week Jesus' words struck me very forcefully: "You did not choose me, no I chose you". We all need to hold on to that fact. I think that a common reaction to the thought that God is calling one to Religious Life is a kind of fear. It is not so much a fear for myself and what this step will cost me but a fear of letting our Lord down. We think, 'I'd make a very bad nun/priest/whatever; God should/would call 'X' who is much more holy etc. than I; I am a bearly passible Christian how could he possible want me; etc.

And this text is our Lord's answer, he says: No, I am calling you, I chose you and I know what I'm doing. And because I chose you, if you only accept this call I will make you "bear fruit, fruit that will last". So the main thing that Jesus asks of us in our Vocation is to let him choose us, as Blessed Pope John Paul II says in Vita Consecrata, "Those who let themselves be seized by this love cannot help abandoning everything to follow him" (VC 18). 

My Vocation, my Religious Life, is principally something that Jesus is doing. I need not fear my sins, weaknesses and failings because it is Christ who calls and Christ who enables me to live the life he has called me to; as he said to St. Paul, "my grace is sufficient for you" (2Cor 12:9).  

Novena to St Catherine - Day Nine

We have come to the final reflection of our novena in preparation for the feast of St Catherine. By happy co-incidence today is also what has come to be known as Good Shepherd Sunday when we pray for the Church and in particular for vocations to the priesthood and religious life.

The readings at Mass this morning reminded us of the immensity of God’s love for each of us– St John in his first letter reminds us that we are the beloved children of God and in the Gospel Jesus tells us no less then five times that he freely lays down his life for us.

In a letter to Daniella da Orvieta Catherine reminded her of the love in which we were created and the even greater love by which we were redeemed in the precious Blood of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.  Love of this immensity calls for our response.  Catherine’s whole life was given for the glory of God and the salvation of her brothers and sisters and she encouraged others to follow her example – she continues to speak to us today through her letter to Daniella:

“I Catherine, long to see you bathed and drowned in the blood of Jesus Christ crucified.  There you will find the fire of divine charity; there you will experience your soul’s beauty and its great dignity.  For God, when he looked within Himself, fell in love with the beauty of His creature and like one drunk with love, created us in His own image and likeness.  ……  how right that we should immerse ourselves in the Blood of our Saviour in order to better conceive love for God’s honour and the salvation of souls……...

Now is the time to take souls as your food at the table of the most holy Cross.  Every time is the time, but never have you or anyone else seen a time of greater need.  Be moved, my daughter by bitter sorrow for the darkness that has come over holy church!  Human help seems to be failing us; you and the rest of God’s servants must call on His help.  See that you are not guilty of unconcern; this is a time of watching, not a time for sleep.  You know well that when the enemies are at the gates they will most certainly destroy the city if the guards and the rest of the people are asleep.  We are surrounded by many enemies.  In the case of our soul, you know that the world and our weakness and the devil with all his suggestions never sleep but are always ready to see whether we are asleep so that they can enter in and like thieves rob the city of our soul.

And the mystic body of holy Church is also surrounded by many enemies.  So you see that those who are appointed to be pillars and sustainers of holy Church have in the darkness of heresy become her persecutors.  This is no time to sleep.  We must defeat them with vigils, tears and sweat, with grieving and loving desires, with constant humble prayer.  And see to it that, as a daughter faithful to Holy Church, you insistently beg the most high and gracious God to take care of her in this need.  Ask God to strengthen the Holy Father, Christ’s vicar on earth, and give him light…….

Hide in the cavern of the open side of Christ Crucified, where you have discovered His overflowing blood – keep living in God’s holy and tender love - have a hungry longing for His honour.  Gentle Jesus! Jesus love!”

Novena to St Catherine - Day 8

From ‘The Gifts of the Holy Spirit in Saint Catherine of Siena’, taken from ‘Que Dijo Dios al Volver’ of Dominican Nuns of Olmedo, Spain; transl by Dominican Nuns of Buffalo, New York.

The fidelity of St. Catherine led her to the practice of the loftiest and most heroic virtues.
    Nevertheless, we know that the virtues in a heroic degree cannot be practiced by the soul of itself. The action of the Holy Spirit is needed.
    But God does not let Himself be out-done in generosity, and if the soul does what it can, God does all that He wishes and He perfects the soul, leading it to the heights.
    The GIFTS -- herein is the secret.
    We cannot move them of ourselves; we know this.
    This seven-fold instrument needs a most delicate touch, so to speak.
    The Holy Spirit alone is their Artist.
    But the Holy Spirit was not given to us for nothing. He acts; and if He is impeded, "He groans with unspeakable groanings", wishing to move His gifts; and He does move them freely.
    We cannot make the gifts act but we can paralyze them -- tragic power that we have when we wrongly use this great gift of our freedom!
    St. Catherine of Siena gave the Holy Spirit full freedom in her soul, and the Holy Spirit unfurled His powerful sails in our virgin's little boat.

The Gift of Fear
    Let us look into the supernatural and divine effects caused in her soul by the gifts.
    At first sight, we see that the Gift of Fear is very pronounced in her soul.
   The experience of being Nothing is, in St. Catherine, something out of the ordinary. It is not that she sees 'nothingness' or that she discovers the contrast of the ALL. Rather, she experiences, radically, her nothingness.
    She knows herself as nothing.
    She knows herself to be an abyess of nothingness.
    The Lord has permitted her to experience it with irresistible force. She knows it; she enjoys it; she savours it in the depth of her being.
    The felling becomes more profound. She submerges herself more and more in the abyss and the Voice of God comes to confirm her in this radical nothingness, pronouncing in the centre of her soul, the phrase that leaves an indelible impression on the life of the saint.

"You are she who is not"

    Negation of being! One cannot arrive at more, or better said, less.
    Experience of the nothing! What must it be?
    By contrast, she has encountered the abyss of BEING, "You are she who is not; I am HE WHO IS." You are the exact opposite to Me. You are negation of being. My negation. I am BEING, affirmation, your complement. I have abundance of life for Me and for you. In my abyss there is room for both of us. Your abyss of shadows is filled with light from the resplendence of My rays. Your nothingness receives My Life!
    And the soul of the Saint trembled!
   
The Gift of Fear made her tremble before the presence of sin. The word sin pierced her soul like a sharp sword. She fled from sin; even from the least shadow of sin. She could not tolerate imperfections; rebellion.
    She felt the power of the Majesty of God, and shadows seem to her as abysses of darkness. The smallest infidelities made her cry out with pain, "My sins; my sins are the cause of all the evils in the world."

    She fled from everything that could seduce her, by the extreme vigilence that the horror of sin produced in her soul.
    Absolute detachment is the logical consquence; no threads to hold the soul back; freedom of heart! Nothing must hold her back.
    She goes out of her nothingness, as an arrow from the bow, directly to its point -- God.
    God was drawing her and it was the imperious necessity of her life that she reach Him.
    Her fear did not separate her from God; on the contrary, it submerged her in hope.
    She hoped, confidently and secure; with much more security, knowing that her eternity depended more on God than on herself.
   She has experienced His Infinitude and she knows that His pardon and bounty are also Infinite.
   She hopes and trusts, and is secure. She knows in Whom she has confided and she will never doubt.

Novena to St Catherine - Day 7

St Catherine's prayer to the Father (From: The Dialogue of St Catherine of Siena, No. 134)

You said, eternal Father, that because of your love for your creatures, and through the prayers and innocent suffering of your servants, you would be merciful to the world and reform holy Church, and thus give us refreshment. Do not wait any longer, then, to turn the eye of your mercy. Because it is your will to answer us before we call, answer now with the voice of your mercy.

Open the door of your immeasurable charity, which you have given us in the door of the Word. Yes, I know that you open before we knock, because your servants knock and call out to you with the very love and affection you gave them, seeking honour and the salvation of souls. Give them the bread of life, the fruit of the blood of your only-begotten Son, which they are begging of you for the glory and praise of your name and for the salvation of souls. For it would seem you would receive more glory and praise by saving so many people than by letting them stubbornly persist in their hardness. To you, eternal Father, everything is possible. Though you created us without our help, it is not your will to save us without our help. So I beg you to force their wills and dispose them to want what they do not want. I ask this of your infinite mercy. You created us out of nothing. So, now that we exist, be merciful and remake the vessels you created and formed in your image and likeness; re-form them to grace in the mercy and blood of your Son.

Novena to St Catherine - Day 6

St Catherine - Contemplation & Apostolic Zeal

When reflecting on the life of St.Catherine of Siena, one is forcibly struck by the depth of her contemplative prayer coupled with a life of unbelievable apostolic zeal.

Having lived a solitary life of contemplation for some years, she came to realise that the love of God cannot be separated from the service of humanity.

In the ‘Dialogue’ God says to Catherine - ‘when you see yourself so ineffably loved by me, you should understand that you are to love as you are loved – that you are bound to love everyone of my creatures with the same love with which you see yourself loved by me’

Leaving the solitary life, she laboured in the streets and around the sick beds and prisons of the city. In addition, she laboured tirelessly and relentlessly, until her dying breath, for the dire needs of the Church and the Papacy of her time, but at no time did she leave her interior cell or her life of contemplation and union with God. This was the secret of the extra-ordinary fruitfulness of her life given for the salvation of souls.

‘I give you all my creatures’ God says to her ‘whether distant or close, minister to them with the same pure love with which I have loved you’. God surely makes the same plea to each one of us, each day, whatever our station in life.

As St. Paul so aptly expresses it in his second letter to the Corinthians ‘With us, Christ’s love is a compelling motive’. (2 Cor.5:1)

Novena to St Catherine - Day 5

St Catherine on Obedience

As we, as a community, have been and continue to reflect on the theme of obedience, I would like to read extracts from one of Catherine’s Prayers, number eleven, which teaches us many things about obedience, but especially the profound and inseparable link between obedience and love. In this prayer Catherine makes reference to a statement made by the Father in the Dialogue with particular reference to love and obedience. I quote: “So you see that in whatever bond of love they finish their lives, that bond is theirs forever and lasts eternally. They are so conformed to my will that they can will only what I will. When time came to an end for them, and they died in grace, their freedom was so bound with the chains of charity that they are no longer capable of sin.” (No 41)




Catherine prays:

Eternal Godhead!
Your Truth shows us
that the soul must strip herself of her selfish will
if she wants to be clothed perfectly in yours.
Dispossessed of her own will,
she is so well clothed in yours
that she neither seeks nor desires anything
but what you seek and will for her.

You are in love with such a soul,
and she with you.
But you love her gratuitously,
since you loved her before she came to be,
while she loves you because it is her duty.
She has come to know that
she cannot love you gratuitously,
since it is she who is obligated to you,
not you to her,
and she has seen that this free love
which she cannot give to you
she must give to her neighbours,
loving them gratuitously
nor does she serve them for any profit she might get from them
but only for love;
and she loves them
because you command it
and it is her duty to obey you.

You who are fire
share the fire with her,
and in the fire
you fuse your will with hers
and hers with yours.
You who are strength
give her strength,
and she becomes so strong
that neither demon nor any other creature
can deprive her of your strength
unless she herself wills it-
nor will she ever will it
so long as she wears the garment of your will,
for it is only her own will
by itself
that makes her weaken.
You who are infinite,
make her infinite
by reason of the conformity you have brought about
between yourself and her-
by grace while she is a pilgrim in this life,
and in everlasting life by her seeing you eternally.
There she becomes so perfectly conformed with you
that her free choice is enchained
so that she can no longer be separated from you.
Thanks,
thanks to you high eternal Trinity,
for in your light you have refreshed my soul
by letting me see how we,
your creatures, are conformed with you,
and by teaching me how surpassing wonderful is your will.
High eternal Godhead, grant us your gentle benediction. Amen.